When you think about one thing you really want to do, do you go ahead and do it? Do you plan it all out first? Or do you consult people for advice?
I have been aggressive with the things I wanted to do before. I just go ahead and do it, thinking only of myself and not even considering how it will affect people. Some of what I did resulted good but some things angered people.
The worst thing I did was being neutral. I did it out of initiative thinking. I went into neutral mode because that is the safest place I could find. And I never told anyone about it until someone wanted to change something. But that also caused the death of people’s trust in me. I realized too, that I cannot trust anybody but myself.
I decided to hibernate, to hide from the world and just let them do what they want as I did what I want. But then again, I was pushed to trust and believe certain individuals.
At first, I thought, “should I move forward or should I ignore this and go on with my life?” But knowing me, I went forward and trusted in the unknown. I started believing again, I started hoping again. I am back to my cheerful self, only now, I am more selfish and uncaring (even if I badly want to care about things and people, I stop by reminding myself that I do not care at all).
Then comes my ideas–ideas that I badly want to implement for the improvement of something I really love. I tried to share one with someone. He anticipated the whole thing but I did not listen. Why? Because my stubborn brain says so. And when he was right I was hurt, and when he said “I told you so, but I don’t know” I was hurt.
So I started all over again. That is what am most amazed about: people have an endless opportunity to press the restart button but they usually give up on the second press.
I have this idea, one that I am not really sure of. I shared it again and it resulted in long conversations over finger foods and huge waves of laughter. There and then I am slowly going back to my old self: trusting and believing that there are still good people left.
I have been sharing my thoughts and ideas since then.
This idea crossed my mind. I share it and consult someone first before sharing it with others. Then we plan it together. Then I disclose details to others. But I learned that if I share this with one person only, chances are, I’ll be set aside or I’ll be doomed. SO when I have this idea that I share with someone, the planning comes down to both of us, other details shared with random relevant people. So when something changed, they’d know about it, and when something changes, they’d be informed about it.
We all learn a thing or two from international classes and I have learned a great deal, that I am sure of. So to the few good men (which is actually only one) I fully trust, I am grateful for your patience with me.
How about you? How do you deal with ideas in your head?