What is it with identities that I never wanted to get found by people around me, by people whom I converse with from time to time? What is it with identities that I keep on hiding myself from the world?
I don’t know. They say, you write for other people to read. You blog for others to read and follow you through. You publish something for people to look at and to buy or to appreciate. But how do you see someone who loves to write, blog, and publish almost everything, then hide herself away and fake her identity so people would not know that she was the one who wrote it?
Weird, right? But I don’t know. That’s just how I am, I guess? I mean… I created this new blog (again) only to realize it will be public and it will represent me, so I don’t know if I could still write over there or publish something there. I know, it’s been years since I started to blog, but my blogs usually hide me. Like, the curtains are up but the audience could not see the thin invisible line where it covers me as I watch the audience’s reaction to my shows. I created a self-hosted WordPress blog before where yeah, I earned $10 from it and no more. Then I created free sites after, reflecting me in every page without announcing it to the world. I love seeing stats, who does not? But I cringe when my stats bar show me that someone from my country read something I wrote. I just don’t feel comfortable. I feel naked every time someone from nearby views my posts.
So, identities. Let me just hide for a little while please? Let me just cover my face and embrace the comforts of being anonymous, of being no one, of being “just another WordPress Blog”, of being “oh-her?-I-do-not-know-her-actually” kind of reaction. Because being no one for me is the grandest label I could appreciate. Because being anonymous is better than people looking at you, knowing that you’re the author of this and that and some would love or hate you but I just cannot take the stares, the unspoken thoughts, the clear facial expressions. Let my identity be unknown for some time please? Let me just compose myself first before going all out once again.