I am a control freak. I panic when something does not go according to plan and when the atmosphere is disturbed. And apparently, my peace was disturbed when I became the poison to their eyes. They may not be verbal about it but I know hatred when I see it. And feel it.
Being in the position does not fit me. Being the one in control and having the power to do so does not suit someone like me.
I would rather be behind the curtains, working my ass off and assuring that everything goes well on stage, that the actors have all that they need, that the show goes on smoothly. I would rather clean everyone’s trash after eating and make sure that the actors goes along with each other, that nobody is left behind.
To be an assistant, a helper, an all-around runner for everyone. That’s me. I could list your schedule and make a To-Do List for you. I could grab some coffee for you and make things for you. I could be your Personal Assistant if you want. I can only follow your orders. But if you put me in a position where “friendship” and “relationship” is at risk and is being threatened, I kindly ask for space, for distance. Because I highly value those two like those are sacred words for me. (I do not know why I said that, but yeah I can be your anything behind the scenes).
Also, I am addicted to order even when I am a messy person myself (what an irony) so when things gets messed up I get irritated and displeased so I have a tendency to take over. I guess you can slap me for that. BAHAHAHA. 
